where are you
in your bedroom
how did you get in
your wife…
WTF
Nights of college: 1. Virgins: 1. Yes.
I have a new drinking limit. I'll stop when I know I'm going to untag the picture that was just taken of me.
Is sexting at a funeral morally wrong?
You just kept saying "I want my babies to look like you."
when we got back we had sex. but it wasnt til the morning that i figured out her leg was broken
This has been the biggest binge-drinking season of the decade.
I think as far as last words to bitter ex girlfriends go, "enjoy that staph infection youre about to get in your uterus" is right up there with the best
You emptied out your taco and asked the lady for a refill...and then you continued to carry out a full conversation SCREAMING
Apparently it is impossible to get kicked out of taco bell....I'll try harder next time
It's a hurricane, not a zombie apocalypse. WHY DID YOU BUY SHOTGUNS?!?!
I almost tried texting you with my pipe. Holy fuck this is good shit.
He's the stereotypical redneck. He tried to go kayaking during a storm and almost got into a fight when a park ranger tried to stop him
FYI: Brian said he left me in the bathroom Friday night to shower and 45 minutes later found me with a towel around my head, my pants on and holding my boobs. No more Jell-O shots for me.
I need more than 2 fuckable people this is an outrage
i keep smelling vagina and donuts, which pretty much sumarises this morning. happy birthday.
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