i miss vodka and anonymity. college is so rich in both. in college we are a many armed creature, lubricated with beer and sex.
Now that I've come to graduate college. I realized the only discernible skill I learned was how to roll a joint properly. go me.
Well thats $24,000 well spent.
He couldn't say anything coherently but shot off a perfectly timed "that's what she said" when michelle said he'd have to ride in the trunk because she didn't have enough room up front.
It was horrifying, i havent seen a girls mouth open that wide since that one episode of Goosebumps..
I've also decided that the true test of whether or not you should marry a girl is if she will willingly blow you while you eat Oreos.
He wrote on the paper that he wanted a "Ptitty burreto" from taco bell...when we ordered it the girl paused and entered "Potatoe burrieto"....we laughed
Which one of you fuckers thought itd be funny to see if the kitchen table can float.
I'm scared to see what happens if we keep winning like this. I don't think there enough livers for every one after the season is over.
Never let a one night stand shower at your place. My razor, lotion, and brush disappeared. #girlcode
You're the best thing in my life, followed closely by cannabis and trashy romance novels
I impressed him by taking off my panties without removing my pants.
I just woke and had to fish my phone out of a bowl of chili. I was wrist deep in it. WHO BROUGHT CHILI TO A PARTY?!
its not chili. and you brought it.
Have you ever wanted to murder the Sun? To bring the life-giving fusion reactor to a bitter end because of the sheer agony it brings to your eyes as it keeps you awake. And for waking the birds. Fuck birds.
Saddle up bitches, we're going to an orgy.
At this point, I would not mind getting hit by a truck. It would mean I could get this over with quicker.
Randomize
