Plan B is the new Plan A
we were exchanging secrets last night... she told me about how she put markers in her vaj in middle school. found a keeper.
Come over? It's my birthday
How many times has that text failed you tonight?
And if not, hey- I've never had a restraining order before, so that will be cool
It could be our claim to fame
Done. I'll pack a cooler.
I don't think a check that has "thx for the drugs" on the note is really gonna fly.
i feel like pizza bites are my only friend right now
I ended up driving home on my birthday, he opened the door to puke on the highway, and animal balloons were flying out of the car the entire time. The people behind us got a show.
It was like the titanic mixed with those sad puppy commercials mixed with jello shots
She asked if I wanted to "Mormon Motorboat" her, which I guess is just motor-boating her through her cloths. Turns out I did.
Dude, that was like bongs ago.
Wanna know what sucks. Banging the bosses daughter at work and having the boss walk in while you are fucking on his desk. Good day though. Made 6 sales
Thx for last night. I've never had so much fun while being told my life decisions are questionable at best.
I just said "you do you" to my penis.
You know you have a good math teacher when we're talkIng about mixture problems and no one gets it until he explains it by talking about mixing alcohol
I will bring Jesus to court if he punishes me for that
Randomize
