not only did i soak my thesis by spilling celebratory shots on it, but i also stained it with lipstick making it obvious i tried to drink the vodka off it......dgaf, worth it.
Just got the test results back. All clean, Now whose an idiot for going bareback in South America for 3 months straight.
He just gave a drunken 7 minute speech on how to make the perfect grilled cheese. he explained types of butter and cheeses....i think i love him
do you think semen can infect my impacted wisdom tooth
Just found out my 21st birthday is on a Wednesday. The possibilities are cheap, as well as endless.
Cuz its complicated and I hate complicated and I miss your penis
I'm silent, like a masturbating ninja.
It's his sex noise. "I'm gonna cu-THE LORD IS MY SHEPARD AND I SHALL NOT WANT"
It's 4/20. I'm not too worried about "healthy"
I probably should have eaten more before I started shotgunning beers at 9am, but it was so much damn fun.
She asked if she should pack the condoms, I told her I plan on drinking so much that it won't be possible.
It's like the first time your mom catches you masturbating. We both know what she saw. We're just not talking about it...
Who put the meatball sub on my door handle?
I FUCKED THE WRONG FRIEND HELP ME
I got eaten out in the igloo at snow-kings castle last night.My thighs were literally melting ruts in the ice bench.Definitely colder than the minus 40 blowjob at Desiree's wedding
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