i may or may not have been spotted by tourists while getting head in the vicinity of the jefferson memorial
If that ambulance is off to save our dignity, please tell them it's too late...
winter break is going to suck... i have to put away my college personality and transform into who my parents think i am.
Vibrator and massage oils got stopped at security. Super.
he met me at the airport with a welcome home sign with a grilled cheese, PBR and a blow job on it. i missed america.
i just feel like it would be irresponsible for you to not have sex with me again.
My vagina agrees.
Turns out I wasn't throwing up blood, I just threw up so hard it ripped my tonsils. Thank you Jameson.
That dude you fucked three years ago just won Jeopardy
He got thrown out for leaning over the bar topless and pouring himself some beer while singing the james bond song
I'm going to get pregnant and die... Mean Girls warned me about this but I didn't listen
It was awkward at first he now knows I fucked his little brother, they were both there. then the tequila kicked in and everything was fine.
Then he kissed my hand sensually and said "you're a Black Queen. Don't let anyone tell you different."
Umm my dog ate your vibrator. Sorry 😬
Sorry for peeing on your books last night. I wouldn't leave them next to the window anymore.
I didn't really understand how big 10 inches is. Now I know.
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