Im listening to a jazz version of dick in a box.
just a forewarning-if you come home and hang out with your stupid girlfriend the entire time that you are here/fail to get wasted with us i will wish either death upon you or that you truly do turn gay when you return to the navy.
I only had sex with her cause she looked like jwoww from jersey shore
What's the point of having 3 fuck buddies when their periods all seem to sync up
You kept telling the cops that our ice luge was practice for the next winter olympics
His best friend walked in while we were banging, turned on the light, yelled BURN, grabbed his computer to play the Thunderstruck drinking game, turned off the light and left.
Do you think that my Facebook profile picture kinda look like im being raped by a 10 foot polar bear ?
Old woman told me I looked like her son and then she started explaining to me how she wanted me to fuck her
I forgot how easy it is to have sex in public when you're wearing a dress. Thank you global warming.
2 things: 1) can you get hep from toilet water? And 2) do you know where we can get a new skillet for cheap?
Please tell me those aren't related.
I made rice.
I'm wearing spiderman underwear, the question is what am I NOT capable of
He said you asked to eat pepperoni off his dick and he thought it was weird
I mean I thought it sounded fun
Happy birthday and sorry I punched your friend in the face
The next time you scream bombs away when you are inside me will be the last time you are inside me
He tried to throw up into a beer bottle. It was a complete disaster. Vomit went everywhere. It put the Bellagio's fountain to shame.
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