Lady came into work yesterday. Full on stache and beard. I've never concentrated on making eye contact harder in my life.
U sang "shots, shots, shots" then walked 2 ur top drawer and threw socks everywhere singin "SOCKS, SOCKS, SOCKS!"
Heading to the gym, the one that guy said he goes to. Already checked online, his class is at 5. And no, this isn't too much after meeting him last night. Stop judging me,
It was so weird. I had like an out of body experience. I heard the moaning, but I didn't know it was me.
heres the thing, we have 120 cans of beer left in the fridge. until thats finished we cant fit food in the fridge
at wine tasting. Can i cleanse my Palate with a frito?
Missing both credit cards and just had a flashback of grinding my nuts on the terrified cab driver for amusement. i am feeling a slight hate for myself right now.
I used the light from the first guy's text notification to be able to snapchat the second guy in the dark. I am too good at juggling guys.
I think there's a problem with society when I'm shopping for lingerie and I think "man some of these would make kickass shirts"
Rigtt?!
It's like everything I need in life within a five block radius: booze, toilets, dogs, dicks.
The amount of dicks I have seen in the last hour is more than I have seen in my whole life.
Sara can't come to the phone right now. She's currently having an in-depth conversation with a flower pot.
You like that 95% of the time I masterbate I think bout you?
Just wanna know what I can I do to earn the other 5%
in your professional opinion, what's the most elegant way of saying "sorry I spent all night flirting with you, I thought you were gay" ?
Blacking out in the security line at the airport is not nearly as fun as blacking out in the lunch line at the dining hall.
Randomize
