So I went on a date with this girl...and whos our waitress? My girlfriend got a second job she didn't tell me about to afford my bday present.
Dude, Her having kids just means she puts out.
I wonder if you could grow some weed in a chia pet
Thats cool. we found a cat INSIDE a coke machine.
nothing says "we're all in this together" like the herpes she passed around to our entire group of friends
They thought "watering it down" meant adding more vodka
We're smoking a joint the size of the average penis right now. I may not survive.
July 5th AKA Day of regret AKA picnicing in a laundromat. Someone puked allover the comforter. Liffe of champions.
Is it too early to start a donation jar for my 4th of july hospital bills?
I ran into my boss at the liquor store on our lunch hour we both just stood there awkwardly until i was like your car bar or mine hahaha we both need a cab
First time since we broke up that I'm not drunk before noon...win for broken hearts everywhere
I cried at the bar for 30 minutes because I got my arm stuck in my sweater. I got free drinks for the rest of the night after the bartender helped me.
I'll probably just end up banging you in your parents marital bed,in their honor of course.
She turned down sex for beer pong. I'm not sure if I should be disappointed or not.
From now on I'd like to be known as Rampage.
Randomize
