your room smells of hookers.
And success
Well we were just driving down the street, there was a realtor and a couple walking up the porch of a house for sale, mark sticks his head out, opens his mouth to say something, pukes all down the side of the car, pauses, and yells "THIS IS A PHENOMAL NEIGHBORHOOD YOURE GONNA LOVE IT"
He taught me how to drive a stick by using his dick. He even made the whurrrr noise so I knew when to change gears.
My third nipple is alarmingly under-appreciated.
Hey! I was tired. I threw up in two parking lots yesterday.
We were all definitely blackout with drunk goggles on, even though you and Amanda were the only ones dressed up as it.
I deem her datable let the dance of attraction commence
I made out with a guy who was dressed as Borat
And like a minute in, I was like oh fuck what am I doing
Did you run away?
I DANCED AWAY.
We just had an accidental Facebook titty pic scare.
HE BEAT A GUY WITH NOTHING BUT RAZZLE DAZZLE AND HIS FABULOUSNESS
Maybe if I ever do become a counselor, I would just implement a kind of intensive meme therapy.
Dude, fuck these noisy kids, fuck all this light, and fuck you for getting to sleep while I have to be productive and hungover.
Hahah I’ve never had someone stop me mid-coitus to tell me how amazing I am. Def ego boost.
ok first of all what the fuck
This past week everybody of fb either got rings or semen. All I got was Covid.
Randomize
