Are they still out there making out on the couch? How can we get them to leave?
I 'm gonna go stand naked in the kitchen with a knife
If it wasnt for meatballs I would have fucking killed myself already.
just so you know, your brother isn't driving home wasted tonight. he is, instead, in my dorm shower screaming about rubbing his butt with my loofah; thought you would be proud
She can't drink and she can't smoke weed. She might as well be dead to me.
i remember getting really pissed off when you wouldn't let me sleep in the garage with your cat.
Who's got a bloodstream full of margaritas by 2pm? Not you, that's for sure, because you've got one of those "real" jobs.
Does your throat ever get sore from being choked too hard or do u think I'm just getting sick??
Repeat the weekend mantra. "I like boys with teeth, I need boys with teeth, I deserve boys with teeth, I will have boys with teeth".
Didn't know hookah bars could end badly. I feel for her hair
Can we discuss your tits for a sec? That melon patch sprung up over night
I would totes reciprocate the nip pic, but I'm sick with a piece of tissue shoved up one of my nostrils and I'm just not feeling that ambitious. Sorry.
If you kill yourself you won't get to feel that feeling when you have a good shit in the morning. Arent you gonna miss that?
I took a 19 year old to a strip club and ended up in a three way. Divorced life might be OK.
I think I kinda scared him when I tried to wrap his snake around his dick while he was trying to nap.
The more drunk I get the more I want to steal a lamb
What would be the possible repercussions of lamb theft
Randomize
