anyone who buys me chipotle gets an automatic hj
I thought stuff was gonna go really bad after he filled the super-soaker with kerosene. but it all turned out pretty well.
Also, not pregnant! Way to go uterus! Good job on being a team player!
Hey, if I can't get it and you're still alive, can you get the glass out of my foot? Happy Sunday.
Beer acquired. Food is cooking
Wow, you are almost sliding into home plate for some stellar fellatio
Next time someone asks you what your spirit animal is do you really want to answer the iowa state fair butter cow?
so i ran into nick. i may be more gay than anticipated
How early is too early to study with margaritas?
Well I met my booty call's parents by accident, so that happened.
woke up to my little sister's best-friend's boyfriend in my bed, but how's your saturday going?
My autocorrect won't finish pterodactyl for me and I'm feeling personally attacked.
Get the fuck in, we're going to Taco Bell.
so i might have slept on your bathroom floor last night...
I love you so much and not just because your dick is perfect
The ass gains better be worth it
Randomize
