I'd rather watch my mom take a shit while reading the sunday new york times than watch mama mia .
i'm drinking out of my 'black like my president' mug
are you drunk enough to hook up with me yet?
You must have had one hell of a time explaining to that girl why aladin soundtrack was playing on repeat in your room when you got back
did mom hear me barking???
oooooh yeah. good luck explaining that one
sooo high. sooo many dog friends
The cop asked you if you had been drinking and you said you drank milk out of a cow.
I rememeber. I showed him the picture on my phone of me drinking out of the utter, right?
Well I passed out before 4:20 on 4/20 so I deem it a failure AND a success.
well that's the third time this semester that I've projectile vomited walking to class in front of dozens of people
It's gonna be like a sexual version of A Christmas Carol in my house in a few days.
You poured a bottle of water into the salad bowl and said "bowls are a joke" and then poured it into your lap.
i found you laying on the floor staring at the ceiling and you kept muttering "why" in various inflections.
I should stop pointing to my vagina when I say "I'm in charge!"
Pretty sure I'm partying in a onesie right now.
So I figured it out. There's two types of shitters. Moaners and grunters. And on occasion there's a third. It's the ill fabled grunt moaner.
When the paramedic asked Logan how he fell he explained that he was trying to lick his eyeball, missed and tripped over his own tongue.
Randomize
