i just made a "things you cannot forget to do this week just because you're high" list.
Its weird to pet your cat with a boner
What the fuck?
you know you've made it when it's your own pool table you're waking up on
I am currently sitting on a candy bar to warm it up cause it was in the fridge so I can eat it while watching the last song and smoking weed by myself
i just added your friend Valery on the FB just to comment on your tits.... thought id give you a heads up
she's just sitting here eating cilantro out of my herb garden and watching some show about ducks on tv and laughing, what the fuck did you give her?
Okay wait let me power puke and then we can go dancing
I definitely pole-danced a parking meter outside a party last night. The cheering was appreciated.
Excuse me while I download incredibly disturbing porn until I'm more ashamed of myself than of my country.
Last year I got a dildo in the mail on my birthday. Today it was just a credit card bill. Sadface.
Apparently I was drunk enough to call he police station and ask if there was a problem with me.
I'm in the smoking section between a transvestite molly dealer and a group of juggalos. I shouldn't be that hard to find.
Places I vomited today: hotel bathroom, in the cab to the airport, airport bathroom, airport terminal trashcan, plane seat 18E, and the plans bathroom
Fun wedding?
Yes. Very.
Its like my group of friends and I are all dating and we're all just a bunch of Swingers, is that normal?
i passed out in front of ihop...for the second night in a row. i think i need to reevaluate my life choices
Randomize
