went in for an STD check and they referred me to an alcohol and drug councilor. kick me when i'm down.
my secret santa just gave me a pregency test
I don't know if its because i'm stoned or what but painting my kitchen yellow makes it look crooked
How the fuck did you end up in a tree? With multiple people?
Tornado booty call.. dedication
a 6'8" white kid in a Lin jersey just wandered out of my gay kid brother's room. when does spring break end, again?
She is the epitome of a puke & rally. She picked a random hott guy at the bar & made him pinky promise not to leave while she took a power nap. She went & passed out in her friends car & apparently puked just outside the bar. She stumbled in & found the randome guy again & claimed she was golden. Made it to the after party & stayed up til 6 doing body shots off every girl she saw & hooked up with the random from the bar. I love her life
What kind of scumbag goes to a baby's 1st birthday party with a black eye? This kind. Me. I'm disgraceful.
So I'm guessing that puking on a camper is a straight path to instant termination?
He came on my pillow pet. That's unacceptable. I hate boys.
mom is telling me the setting in which I was conceived
did you know we used to have a pool?
You passed out in your dogs bed and you only willingly woke up because I told there was a bottle of vodka and a snickers bar waiting for you upstairs
You threw up with such class too! Tiara and all.
On a scale from 1 to 10 how gross is it to get a chili dog from a vending machine?
Omg. I checked my purse this morning and I'm pretty sure drunk me stole a frat guys tube of crest 3d white toothpaste. Like that's pretty fucked up but I think if I knew someone did that to me I'd probably still invite them over again cuz I'd be like, "this girl's creative, and has good hygiene."
Randomize
