dude, I'm listening to "I believe I can fly", i'm high, and driving. this is so amazing.
you just kept swimming in circles and whenever someone would try and coax you out you would scream "i CANNOT drown, my brother is the supervisor of a water park!!
after we had sex he went grocery shopping. at 6 am. i've never been more confused in my life
So can you tell me who's underwear is on the cat?
there are way too many $1s in my wallet for last night to have been 'tame'
Somehow she slept thru the vacuuming, people walking in and out, and the sound of constant beer bottles hitting the trash, but when someone said weed in a regular volume of voice she startled awake.
He just referred to himself as a sharp shooter. I had sex with that.
we didnt even make it to the club...the two of us were sharing a plastc bag in the taxi puking into it.
No. I heard a cover of "my heart will go on". This is not sanity.
Every girl my sister has brought home from college I've had sex with, check and mate motherfucker
Can't tonight. I'm supposed to get drugs for some college kids. Just doin my part in helping to enlight america's future
We were pulling the glow sticks off of him and he just kept yelling, "my bones! You're taking my bones!" and asking me if I was on the crew team
The problem with having sex on the couch is that your blanket ends up in the laundry and you're left cold on the couch the next day.
oh my god I have a fantastic druncle story to tell you. It involves a burrito, a meltdown and a bear
The burrito and meltdown are standard, but I'm intrigued by the bear
The cop busted in, made the music stop, and goes "GUYS LISTEN UP! DRINK, DO DRUGS, HAVE UNPROTECTED SEX, I DONT GIVE A FUCK, JUST QUIET DOWN!" Best. Cop. Ever.
Randomize