return my video game
i just got a Mexican deported. not sure how to feel.
I get way too drunk to be trusted with family heirlooms
She just passive-aggressively stripped in the kitchen while humming the theme to Doug.
I think I just used lyrics from the Sister Sister theme song to let a guy down easy...
Seriously though, you almost tore my right nipple off.
Bartenders are not toys. I repeat, bartenders are not toys.
Letting two friends screw at my place in exchange for weed. This is my life.
I just rolled an Obama blunt and a Romney shame joint for tonight. Vote wisely.
Just broke my collar bone. May not make it to the party.
I'm pleased to know that your mom refers to me as "the ass piliager" now
There is a guy here calling himself the pants less weed fairy
I thought the Bane mask would really repel dudes but instead I ended up grinding on a frat dude that whispered "bad bitch contest, you in first place" in my ear in a Batman voice
Don't masturbate while listening to Pandora. Just came during a buffalo wild wings commercial and I feel really weird about it.
I ate her out and told her she tasted like pumpkin pie. She screamed that she hated pumpkins and started to cry
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