i saw the 3rd guy i ever had sex with last night and kept calling him #3
he is a creepy guy.
yea thats what heroine does to ppl.
I feel like everyone would be happy with that as a present too. "Oh you got me pussy for Christmas?! How'd you know?!"
Almost there.
define "almost". like I have enough time to watch a youtube video or oh shit, put on some goddamn pants because they're in the driveway.
I talk a lot when I drink rum. he was going down on me and i was telling him how i wished i could tap dance. oh god
Handcuffed our DD to a naked stripper don't think he will try to sneak out
He can pick locks you know
That's the reason for the naked stripper
come home. I need you. I'm too hungover to deal with this hangover alone
I'm too old for chlamydia. That's for 20 year olds who go to clubs and do drugs I've never heard of.
nothing out of the ordinary. you aplogized for having a spicy vagina and passed out
She gave me a roadie as we drove home from fireworks. People were still lighting off their displays as we drove by. I love America.
...take a good look at your butthole.... then try matching it to any paint color on the Benjamin Moore color wheel....not gonna happen...
If the smell of things stopped me from putting things in my mouth. I wouldn't be popular with Grindr guys.
We fucked while The Odyssey played in the background. Homer would be proud.
It's going to turn into you and me throwing down in a devastating lip-synch battle while everyone else stands around awkwardly.
I've struck affair-gold. He's hot, he's ripped, he doesn't want a relationship, and most importantly he won't have to ask Gods permission to bang me like the last religious nut job did.
Randomize
