dude wtf did we explode in my microwave last night?
idk but i think it had a face
No awkward lesbian experiences without me
dude they were twins that means they were both only 17
She sucked her thumb until she was 17. It's like my dick was born to be in her mouth.
You were peeing on yourself thinking it was the sprinkler in your yard
I've taken to hiding pictures of us around his room so that he'll forever feel guilty for dumping me on Valentine's Day... And to potentially cock block any hook ups.
Thats why you have fulfilling relationships with nice girls and i have kinky sex with crazies
I just did the math, I've had 8 hours of sleep in the last 3 days. Not sure if that means I am dedicated to my sex life or my job...
Have you ever noticed that the cities in car commercials look really futuristic?
...did you eat that brownie?
if i bang your brother are we still cool?
Any chance I can buy my dignity back with $45?
I lost the right to judge tonight
Smoking a bowl and ordering Dominos, you want in on either, both, or none?
I'm nothing if not determined to sleep with everyone at that company
We just FaceTimed and I put an Oreo in my vagina for him. Now he has to fly across the globe for me.
Randomize
