I was taking a piss and started puking. I pissed myself and made a mess in the bathroom. Passed out, then got up and went back out from 11pm to 5am.
I changed 4 diapers and slept horribly in our hot apt. Now, I'm at my inlaws house watching the Rangers get pummeled. Oh how our lives differ.
I owe all of my success to double stuf oreos and weed.
I've realized that you're the only friend i can rely on to drink with me any given day. i thank you for that.
I've never seen a kid turn down a sure thing for a possible handy by a freshmen. You need to re-evaluate.
He just called me juicy booty via text message.
no you're not allowed back
come on. everbeers was a great idea. you fucks had a great night
someone to text and fuck? since when does that constitute a relationship?
since 2006
I just tripped out to the Angel of Music from Phantom of the Opera in my car. Wayyyy to high for shuffle right now.
Taco Bell. She just parked, got out of the car mid drive-thru, ran to the dumpsters, pissed, then ran back and drove up in the line.
Pencil dick carries the name proudly.
I just need like a magic vacuum to suck everything out of me and then an IV to put good stuff back in
Being single is awesome because I can still drink a bottle of wine and hate myself, but I don't have to shave my legs!
I despise everything about her. Except her tits.
I just found three upside down bottles of grapejuice in a triangle around the air freshener above my toilet... I guess it was one of those nights
It was very surreal. They were listening to a religious podcast on morality while they both went down on me.
Randomize
