Don't go all Obama on me. George Bush this decision and just do it. Thinking's for the morning after
What would Jesus do? ... Jesus would slap a ho.
Dude I think you forgot how to talk last night. We kept asking if you wanted a condom and you just smiled and made weird noises...
I don't know where my bra went.
Welll you ran into the street, took it off and yelled "I'm a free woman!". And then you threw it at some homeless guy.
how was ur day?
this is strictly sexting don't make small talk.
DO NOT EAT ONE OF DONOVANS WEED RICE CRISPIES. I REPEAT DO NOT EAT IF YOU VALUE YOUR EYE BALLS
There appears to be a lake on my nightstand. As usual, I should not be considered a suspect. Together, we will find out who did this.
There is a girl in my drunk limo who hasn't seen an uncircumcised penis. Hook me up with a picture.
She had her insurance card taped to her arm because it was the only thing she "couldn't take off and lose"
Don't send the creepy guy a picture of your penis. That's my Christmas wish
For graduation he gave me roses, a giraffe necklace, and a butt plug. I think this might be my one shot at true love
Today's goal is to get out of bed, before I take a shit. This might be hard
Pass or fail tho
I'm having a martini with dinner. A new level of class.
I'm stoned and eating mustard, also a new level of class.
We had sex to Hey Arnold, Rugrats, and All That. I feel like my life has come full circle.
hey, cheif big dick, where the fuck are my panties.
Randomize