I think I just saw the silver monkey from legends of the hidden temple sitting out in someone's trash
GO. BACK. NOW.
so for future reference,at what point did you feel like a line had been crossed?
The story about him having a girlfriend changed real fast when he found out that I was a gymnast
NExt question... Do i wanna sleep under my palm tree
YES.
The pine trees are waving at me.
Put the pipe down honey.
Hi trees.
I might have been fine if i had magic teleportation powers and could have skipped the car ride between bar and home
When a guy wants to eat something off you and then comes back with microwaved strudel and custard, back the fuck out. I have apple-chunk burns on my tits.
We always end up having sex in random places after class. I need to stop letting this dude borrow my pens.
She had pubes that could make an episode of Duck Dynasty. Fear the Vag Beard
Saw a girl outside my apartment shotgun a bud light, then a red bull, get in her Tahoe, and drive 4 people away. Gotta love thirsty Thursday.
Told him my main goal was to seduce the man and convince him to leave his wife for me. He didn't argue just asked me to let him know if I succeeded so he didn't waste anymore time not sleeping with the secretary at his office. I have an incredible boyfriend.
69'd by candlelight when the power went out.
We went there specifically for you to break it off with him and I walk in on you two in the bathroom with his dick in your mouth
but he had pizza... so i win
I give up.
I just want to eat chicken fingers and drink beer and smoke in bed with my laptop so I can watch Netflix
So your not doing THAT great with the break up then...
Cancel your plans for the fourth someone is streaming iron chef on twitch
Randomize
