the cure to his relationship is in or around my vagina.
Awww my brother is growing up soo fast!! He just gave me the, "I know you're high but I won't tell mom n dad" look!
cutting back on calories before spring break by only taking shots instead of drinking actual drinks.
the diet of an alcoholic...
We walked in and found his glass coffee table broken and you in the bathroom throwing up saying "What a bad first impression."
We'll probably be arrested for having a cheetah in our apartment anyway, so I say go for it.
Do you know many girls there are in gay bars waiting for me to do coke off their tits? A lot.
I met the perfect girl for you, she's smart, likes cars, has at least one ear, and really blue eyes!
please elaborate on, "atleast one ear"
literally the only thing you kept saying was "i wish i had a beer keg vending machine that accepted hugs as payment" and everytime you said it you rubbed the urn her grandmother's remains were in
juast therw a cheeeeesestirng over the fnce. stuckit to sombodys car winheild... gonna luagh if i find it mlted in the mrning.
I found your bra. How you get it off the satellite dish is your problem.
Just took an adderall with a shot of tequila while doing my makeup in the parking lot at work before I go in. I'm also late. They're so lucky to have me.
it's graduation. he's gonna get congratulations slash emotional i cant believe youre leaving me sex.
The world is a different place when I'm actually having sex
You fell asleep mid blowjob with my vibrator in your HAND. So no, I will not bring you pizza.
Literally I can feel my heart beat in my vagina because of how sore I am
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