Wow, your whole life is a joke regardless of the fact that its april fools day
Remember when you weren't going to be a shit show?
I used a bag of wine as a pillow last night.
He's married, but his wife isn't my neighbor so I don't feel bad about coveting him.
I'm stoned in an empty parking lot listening to dave matthews while looking for a lighter.... I feel like I sent this 7 years ago.
sweet and enthusiastic is code for tiny dick.
Law school is ruining my masturbation schedule.
Yep. Just threw myself a bachelorette party with my coworkers penis before I re-enter the holy order of monogomous relationships.
Remember how I haven't seen my step sister in like 7 years? Pretty sure I just made out with her...
The less fucks you give, the more fucks you get. Kinda like "a penny saved is a penny earned" but with vagina.
It's a "nonproductive" (vocab word) cough. It's like a constant tickle in my throat, like there's a little elf with feathers for feet going Gangnam style on my "uvula" (vocab word).
Still stoned. I like your bong. It can stay. No others, though.
But I do cardio so I don't get winded during sex really it's not like I'm trying to lose weight
I still have the video of you three making soup in my kitchen and asking random people for permission DURING the party, not after like usually
Don't remember, didn't happen
I HAVE THE VIDEO YOU DICK IT HAPPENED
Talking to a customer about getting high and staring at glow in the dark wheels while there is a cop in the store. Just another day in Tampa
Randomize
