you made a powerpoint titled 'things i've drank tonight' and emailed it to me.
There's a naked kid on the floor on your side of the bed. Don't freak out when you wake up. I think we need to fix the lock on the door...
Just traded a samurai sword for some drugs. It's gonna be one random ass night
Can you do me a favor and fuck someone with a car so I can get a ride home?
I'm also glad were at the point in our friendship where my vagina talking to you isn't weird
Me and your penis are best friends. You don't know it, but I whisper my secrets whenever I give you blowjobs. We even have a secret handshake. We can't be separated from each other. We just can't.
you had me at cake vodka
Woke up Christmas Eve morning with my face smelling like ballsack.. No regrets.
I'm sorry that I didn't get belligerently drunk and did not put my penis on your neck again
If we can't get laid at a bar crawl, we should just quit life.
I just ironed my gstring.. this is please fuck my brains out on a whole new level.
He was super adorable, like I wanna pinch his cheeks while I fuck him...
Got 2 free lines of blow from some random guys on the side of 13th street.....how's your Sunday going?
I guess it's part of life. Sometimes your ex boyfriend becomes a drag queen.
Would the comment "Down Goes Frasier" be too inappropriate at this time?
Randomize
