guys are not supposed to queef...right?
If you made a robot out of pillows would he be nice? It's hard to imagine a mean pillow robot. And who came up with the idea of shaving their legs?
I just washed champagne and tuna off my body. I feel like that was a successful shower.
and i'm pretty sure he drank the lava lamp
That awkward moment when the dude you blew on camera in college friend requests you on Facebook.
Who is this?!????
That awkward moment when you think you're texting a friend the above statement, but instead you text a stranger.
Ask her if it hurt when she broke through earths crust as she ascended from hell
Just found out i over drew my checking account on a 711 hot dog
Do u remember buying that
I remember eating it on the curb like a drunken hobo
All I have in my new place is coke and a treadmill.. it's workout Wednesday
Literally sitting on my bed in the dark trying not to throw up
I have bruises all over my legs. Did I hit a car with my bike last night?
I just gotta say that I feel so much better now that I got some. I mean I feel like a normal functioning adult ready to contribute to society.
While he was at a job interview yesterday, I was dropping acid. So that's the aesthetic of our relationship rn.
This is the best 30th birthday ever. In a Motel 6 drinking a shower beer and sending slow-mo dick helicopter videos to you.
I thought one was bad but really there are two woman stupid enough to marry our brother...unreal
The girls said some drunk guy in footie pajamas was asking for me when they opened the doors. I thought we agreed you were gonna stay home and microwave me some bacon.
Randomize
