just scratched off #34 on my list of things to do before age 30 - drunk in a helicopter.
we screwed to my bar mtzvah tape, I became a man while watching myself becom a man
Confidence margaritas not a good idea. Just said foreskin in my presentation instead of foresight.
I'm single as of 11 minutes ago. I was the chick who drunkenly tried to climb into bed with you 2 weeks ago. Wanna make this happen?
Like. I probably should fuck him. I owe him for breaking his thumb.
I need to find more Xanax, my Grandpa doesent leave for another week and he's made it a mission to get me to come out of the closet as a xmas gift to my parents.
Just warning you the last time I had captain Morgan I gave a blow job to a guy that looked like Jesus.
You fell asleep mid blowjob with my vibrator in your HAND. So no, I will not bring you pizza.
Listen I took a family sized bottle of merlot to the face last night and there's an svu marathon on. Give me some time please.
I just want the relationship Bob and Linda Belcher have- is that too much to ask?!
I got so drunk that I peed my bed...and all over him. The ironic thing is that he slept in his swimming trunks.
Pretty sure we had a civil war reenactment in your kitchen at 4am.
That would explain the cannon.
Being severely attracted to someone you find is your cousin just made my list of top 10 worst feelings
You looked at the bouncer while you pissed on the front door of the bar and said...who the fuck are you?
I spent half my night explaining that i'm in an open relationship to the guys that I liked, and the other half of the night explaining that I have a boyfriend to the guys that I didn't like.
Randomize
