Fucked her within an inch of her life. Seriously. Don't choke bitches when they ask. Was way too drunk to be pulling that shit.
just leaving uw hospital. they thought i had franzia-induced appendicitis. whaaaaat
Your "OraGel will numb anything" theory was the worst thing I ever believed in.
there is beer in every square inch of this apartment and he hasn't even lived in it for 24 hours. we're playing some game that involves slamming beer, beer pong and smacking people's cups out of their hands.
I'm about to do the walk of shame in a christmas onesie. What would I do without christmas sweater party season?
How did you get a free t-shirt at the strip club?
I was attacked by whores
You threw up on yourself again didn't you?
They were strong whores
She gave me what I will now dub a "hurricane sandy". Loud, wet and sloppy BJ that made me want to stay home and complain about shit on the Internet
I just wanted to be nice to your dick and you are rhyming at me.
And then I discovered that while drunk last night I called the NAACP and left an angry voicemail demanding they fix the racism at my school
You gave your one night stand my number. I told him you left for your sex change an hour ago.
all i remember is slapping you in the face with a slice of pizza while laughing maniacally.
I'll have a whole suitcase of emergency bacon with me obviously
Anyone who does not consider cereal and wine as a balanced breakfast needs to leave immediately.
I wore the clothes I got arrested in last night to work today.....there is no where but up from here!
I dunno. The drunker I get, the easier econ gets. I may be onto something here.
Randomize
