the guy I was hooking up with asked me if he could wear a guerilla suit during sex.
I forgot how ruthlessly advertising works on me when I'm high.
Just fucked a hooker at a motel in New Jersey. Two states down, 48 to go.
Well I say she's a whore. All four of her kids have different last names.
BUT, one is Johnson and the other is Johnston. She gets some credit for that
i feel like everytime i say im going to quit drinking someone comes along with a better idea about drinking
i've officially fucked a sailor, a policeman and a biker. I've never noticed my Village People fetish until now...
i can't believe you just compared my dick to leprosy
She is high at the bar - she thinks the bottle of frangelico is aunt jemima telling her to stop doing drugs.
I think I'm just going to up-end a bottle of wine and look through pictures of what my life used to be.
Your lack of dedication to alcohol is forcing me to drink with my ex husband. U suck
I haven't had a normal poop since halloween, we are not mixing vodka and tequila ever again
RESPECT THE VODQUILA
And literally 4loko margaritas are callin my name. They're like "Hey girl come on over here I'll make you forget about grades and boys and it'll be a good idea to send everyone 55 snapchats of your cleavage" ok
Ur dad just showed me a tit pic he got omf
I was just dry heaving outside of the Chem building when a guided tour walked by. Welcome to the Maritimes kids...
I’m sorry I pressured you for dick pics.
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