I Once took so much Ecstacy that I tried to hug a fire.
So I thought I was doing pretty good and then I sneezed and prematurely ejaculated...
Why is there 6 cases of kwic trip dounuts dumped in my bed? Best 34 dollar wake up of my life
I'm walking down the halls of our hotel and listening for sex noises and knocking when I do.
i think i scared a bird with my dick
i really care about you, respect you, another gay word, and another gay word... lets just drink
She didn't talk for 45 minutes. We finally convinced her to open her mouth. There was a flower in there.
Single person behavior: I wanted a cookie but was too lazy to make or go buy any, so I let cookie dough ice cream melt and ate all the chunks. Pantsless.
Tomorrow, if I don't look at least 5% better than I do on a regular day to day basis, I want you to hit me and tell me that no one will ever love me if I continue to look like I just rolled out of a cocaine induced hibernation. I'm asking you for tough love.
And I also succeeded in getting kicked out of a bar when I was drinking straight from the vodka bottle at our table.
You ran through a field yelling "I'm frolicking! I'm frolicking!" Then fell on your face. How is your nose today, doll?
Holy shit I'm 26! That took an embarrassingly long time to figure it out, I need to keep buyin weed from this kid
90% sure I just opened a snapchat of you in a fuzzy bathrobe next to your ceiling collapsing
dude, i told you to rally, so you sprinted upstairs, knocked some girl down, and without missing a beat said, "not now bitch, im in the fucking zone" and took off
I’m torn. She’s crazy - like legitimately “Wear your skin as a suit” crazy. But her blow jobs and dirty talk are Pornhub quality!
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