I know its small, but please -- stop calling it my "weenis".
So I feel really bad about last night...can i give you a blow job and we call it even?
Sorry I wasn't really responding earlier. I was really fucking high and so into that car chase.
Let's just say for some reason we thought it was okay to make a burrito smoothie.
i'd be lying to you if i said i didn't just bring up microsoft excel to make an alcohol budget
I just remember thinking, if she falls asleep, I'm totally eating that spilled chex mix right off of her.
I tried to get you something for Valentine's Day too but they said they couldn't deliver skittles and ecstasy :(
I'm in charge of his party but you're a paramedic, we're both needed.
it's a simple rule - pass out shirtless on the couch, become an airsoft target.
I poured somre cereal, realized the chocolate to flake ratio was off, tried to fix it by digging through the box, gave up because of the difficulty level, and poured it back in the box. Being high is the best diet.
The other day, he sent me a snapchat of his dick in the forest. He captioned it "nature nudes."
He got up in the middle of the show and returned with this massive ham shank, then offered me some by asking "wanna suckle on my hog." Should I be offended?
We went from him going down on me to swapping baby pictures of our moms.
sorry for showing your butt to the bar
sorry for licking your cheek
Did you happen to find the other half of my bra last night?
Randomize
