Totally about to meet up with Ryan in an empty parking lot. Expect to fuck him. Yes I know it's 3am. Slutty? Possibly. Excited? Damn right.
I drank 13 shots. Which is unlucky. Which is why i threw up.
you threw up because you drank 13 SHOTS
Playing the biology drinking game in my 8am. Drink everytime he says species or organism. I love st. Patricks day
we were all standing in the kitchen taking shots and we look over at you and your face is in the plate of spaghetti you were eating.
I'll just wear something slutty to the liquor store and hope for the best
that's your solution for everything
Who would have guessed that on my moms birthday she'd have sex with the door open. :(
I think im gonna have to stop sexting on the metra. The middle aged businessman behind me just leaned over and whispered 'dirty girl' and highfived his seatmate.
It was her first time with a girl so I put on my tegan and Sara playlist to really get the full experience.
I've been practicing for you. Including stockpiling medical supplies for curing hangovers.
But think about it. I could put her gold medal around my penis
dude he's still passed out in my bathtub. and his dick is half way in a 40 bottle... i really hope he was just trying to piss in it
just got permission to expense a nerf gun
Dude I was tripping acid when she was crying and I literally couldn't defend myself
Flight got cancelled. Stayed in the same hotel as the flight crew so now I can cross Sex with Pilot off the bucket list
He regularly flies into DC, so I’m going to sign him up for my Frequent Flyer program!
Actually I really wish that I was drinking so I could ask him for breakup sex and then later blame it on my alcoholic tendencies. Maybe tomorrow instead.
Randomize
