I just made friends with the guy at the coffee shop in borders. And by that I mean he stared at me until I was uncomfortable and left.
i cant remember past the part when we filled his tub with skittles.
It's called 'beer pong' not 'everclear and coke pong' for a reason...
They are currently going door-to-door asking the neighbors to donate money for Cheez-Its and gift wrap. They asked me to stay back at the house to make another pitcher of margaritas.
The doctor asked me what height I fell from to hurt my back.. I answered keg height
underwater hpnotiq shots? sure why not.
My roommate says its rare that you can be tear gassed before you lose your virginity so i feel accomplished in life
And we won't even have to pay the tab if we die AT the bar. So..win win.
Would it be considered cannibalistic if I wanted to eat off his bacon tattoo?
I just realized that I have to choose between a future orthopedic surgeon and a dude currently in jail. My life is so fucked.
Dad had me doing shots of chocolate mint Everclear last night. I've never felt closer to him.
I like how I just yelled in the window at Mcdonalds drive thru, got his number and then fucked. it was like I ordered a happy meal that only can be had after midnight.
Thank you. I woke up with a beard hair in my mouth. Super classy.
She moved all of her stuff out while we were gone. Shit in the toilet, and didn’t flush. So yeah it went well.
She called a 10 year old handsome and we gave her a look that was equal parts confused and “what the hell is wrong with you”
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