after you took your Demerol you started flying around and talking like the robot ship on the movie Stealth. then you licked my iPhone and declared the mission a success.
i wish i could swallow nair and shit it out and it would get rid of all my ass hair.
Seriously. Doesn't matter if I went out last night, work is like crafts class w.a side of facebook
watching espn. realized that the exact place those sportcenter guys are is where I got laid on the beach last superbowl. my sex spot is broadcasted nationwide
Just saw a girl i'm pretty sure is simultaneously jailbait and a milf. I never want to leave mexico.
you flashed the cab driver so we didn't have to pay the fare and then you decided you were on a roll so you flashed the guy at the maccas drive through... safe to say your boob job was the best idea ever!!
Come over. We have tacos... And girls who took their clothes off. But mainly, tacos.
I want you to come over here and spit coffee in my mouth like a momma bird feeding a baby bird. That hung over.
You definitely in your drunken state were really concerned you would forget to buy milk today
Blonde girl lying face-down, passed out next to my bed, walls are covered in guacamole. College is looking excellent.
I learn from experience and I experienced what it would be like to completely lose my mind and then wake up with a stab wound.
I convinced a shit ton of people I was a russian foreign exchange student to get free drinks. I knew learning those accents would come in handy.
Question: trumpet bong. Can it work.
Like I'm sorry but "it'll be fine trust me" IS NOT VERY REASSURING ASSHAT. Now take off your pants.
What was the name of that sleazy asshole I'm not allowed to sleep with?
Randomize