girl in front of me at starbucks just ordered 7 shots of espresso in her latte. welcome to finals week
I just looked at all of our spring break pictures... there's a guy getting a blow job in the background of the ones on the beach.
i'm gonna need a rally to restore sobriety after this weekend...
Her bed is on wheels, so we woke up in the kitchen.
We sat on the porch laughing about hilarious the sunrise was. And that we can do drugs again in the morning, thank god
The taxi driver was going on about how many drunk chicks want to sleep with him when he drives them home. Not sure if he was bragging or hinting
I'll check it out in the morning. Tonight has been reserved for getting baked and covering myself in kittens because THAT IS AN OPTION.
Why does my jaw hurt?
I may have punched you.
Had to snap chat three different people to ask who left the bite mark on my thigh. All three said "Wasn't me". Now I can't wear a bathing suit to my mom's pool.
My brain and heart say thanks but my vagina isn't super pleased with you right now
She was dressed as a banana and told me that I needed more potassium in my diet. Of course I went down on her.
I doubt the gods of funday Sunday would exact such a high price... But it's good to know an afternoon with me is worth a left foot.
I'm not sure you count what happened last night as sex.
Nah, just stick him in a closet with some cheetos, a blunt and soda. The darkness will calm him down until Mallory can be located.
One lesson I've learned so far from college: You've always got time for one more shot. Always
Randomize
