i was so high last night that i actually googled "how to get un high"
if you ask that question again our friendship is over
The way you explained my vagina was exactly the way I would of described my breakfast burrito.
I'm always impressed by your drunken ability to quickly gauge how long it's been since you've shaved and whether or not your prospective hook up will care.
I just delivered a ham and cheese to a strip club. you were right this job is not that bad
Now for something completely different: ive figured out how to eat a banana without insinuating something completely naughty
So many people have lost their virginity on my futon... I think it is only the right thing to bronze it and put it on display
i'm sorry i gave your brother a handjob while you were on the blanket next to us, but to be fair your back was turned.
he walkred up to the manager at dennys and said 'look, my friends passed out in your bathroom, can i go get her?'
No idea how he made them, but vodka water balloons were a horrible idea.
Listen up tinkerbell, You're gonna come to the bar, hit on some fat chicks, and step up when I punch someone in the face.
My bed is full of blood and feathers
We just got in a fight with grandma b/c she tried to tell us you didn't go hard.
I don't know if I want to fuck him or punch him in the face.
He texted me "sup", so I sent him that gif of the surprised guy and apparently it offended him
Let me atleast have my coffee before you start talking about your penis
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