It's 8:30am and I'm drinking.... this is a new low
I wish my cat could text because i would tell him that everything will be ok. and i wish he could send them back..but him have no thumbs. him no know what he would text with.
No, I don't think Michelle is a squirter. And if I've had anal sex, the Obamas have.
All I remember about walking back home was that I maced my shadow.
No, the sea-green pills were klonopin, the bright blue ones are adderall. you're probably going to have to adjust your plans for the day.
better to have posed nude and lost than to never have posed nude at all...thats what i always say
So after tequila Thursday, Jess broke her arm table dancing. Now her and Andrew look like the perfect drunk couple, matching casts and all.
THEY'RE. IN. YOUR. BED. THEY RANDOMLY SHOW UP. AND GET IN YOUR BED.
All the alcohol I spilled on myself must have acted as a disinfectant or something. I haven't showered in three days and I still don't have a staph infection from sleeping on the lawn with you.
If my sophomore year were to be made into a novel, it would be titled "dances with salvia"
I bet, I woke up to you like naked at 4 in the morning shoving a sandwich in your face
Ran out of eye drops right after putting them in one eye. Half baked at work.
He went down on me to the national anthem being sung by Jordan sparks. It was very patriotic of him
How weird is it that 2 people I've had sex with have the same birthday and they don't even know each other
I am witnessing a blind guy whip ass at beer pong
Randomize
