Well, I fucked her. But the sex wasn't all that great. Morning sex never is
So i've def seen the girl running for student body VP getting fingered in a bar.
The girl I hooked up with in exchange for Ramen freshmen year is living with the girl I currently wish to bang.
Try oodles of noodles this time.
Ye. Looking like it's about to be one of those mythical responsible weekends
So im guessing you dont remember the walk home, where you layed down in the alley and began to sing "threes company too" and when i told you to get up you had the nerve to tell me i was to drunk.
happy find a boyfriend by next Valentines Day. Its like a new years resolution but depressing
I just recognized Courtney in a crowded Trader Joe's solely by seeing her ass. In other news, I survived the first round of layoffs today.
I'm not sure which feat is more impressive...
IT'S LIKE SHE TAKES SECRET KUNG FU CUNT LESSONS AND THEN BRUCE LEES ALL OVER EVERYONE.
You're alright. You just passed out while we were having sex. Then I'm pretty sure you peed. So I went home.
My tuesday consisted of speaking to a federal agent for two hours and watching a roving band of gypsies jump over a fire until 2:30am
You called his parrot a seagull, a pigeon and a rat with wings, and told it to go eat Cheetos out of a dumpster.
Well he has a golden retriever set as his background so there's no way he was filming us having sex
It's the eve of Christ's birthday and I'm sending pictures of my tits
I’m a women at a strip club dressed as post Malone
How much glitter would I have to ingest in order for a "magnificent" amount to appear in my ejaculate?
Randomize
