we have pet lesbian snakes
May i just say it is extremely difficult to pee in a cape
Dear yesterdays makeup, Thank you for always being there when I stay up late binge drinking on weeknights and am running late to work Friday morning. You're the best.
I just used my med student white coat as ID to buy beer at 9 in the morning
Yes, you did come over last night. You also tried to give my dog a blowjob. You got rejected.
Foreign porn with subtitles is a little disappointing.
#1 RULE OF DRINKING: DELETE YOUR EX'S NUMBER FROM YOUR PHONE
Only you two could pull off a partner swap with honeymooners
One small step for man, one big gay fierce leap for gays!
Would it be weird if I congratulated the guy who almost broke up my marriage for working on the marriage equality bill? You know, thanks for fighting for the sanctity of marriage. Weird, right?
If you think you're having a bad day, know that upon waking up, I was informed that I blew my nose in a piece of bread last night
This guy on the tube is sooooooo high. Eyes are bloodshot and he's licking his headphone cords.
Jesus Christ. How the fuck do you not tell someone that your wife can see on the phone bill who you text and how many times ?
And I had on a penis ring on the whole time at dinner. And I ate veal...
Honestly no idea how dad figured out i did all that gay porn unless he was looking at gay porn.
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