a guy named alex was hitting on my friend tonight. he doesnt work on wind turbines tho.
8th day he invented the big mac, 9th he invented pop rocks, 10th day boobs.
I have so many mobile devices now, I only use my laptop for porn.
laying in bed listening to christian music, jealous of the hope they have for their life. also need to beat off, can i think about you?
thanks 4 putting "im not your boyfriend baby" on my sex playlist. she just got pissed and left.
Apparently we were arguing for captain seats so I shouted "who has your virginity." I got the seat.
You're seeing with your vagina, not your eyes.
He fingered me to the beat of the Fresh Prince theme song... it was pretty fantastic.
Starting this Monday as I always do
With a desperate plea for help
My hookup from last weekend apparently got arrested today... his roommate just tagged me on facebook asking for bail money.
All I want to do is drink an excessive amount of free alcohol bought from strange men, while taking frequent trips to the bathroom to snort an assortment of illicit drugs off dirty toilet seats. Break cannot get here quick enough...
Welp, no use in crying over spilt milk. I can't unbang her.
Only in this town do you have a bridesmaid shortage due to pregnancies.
Let's just say, I'm pretty sure you're banned from Skype.... like, forever.
What did you spend the night in her closet?
She said she was saving me for breakfast and locked me in there
Randomize
