She gave me a blow job and her mom gave me blueberry muffin afterwards. I love them.
I wasted some perfectly good semen on her
So for a second i just thought clitoris was a disease.
This could help me cancel out guys. First 4 that text me get to stay in the loop. And the last one gets the boot. We'll do this til there's only one man standing
I think winning the long island race means you lose at life
I've already made the "blackout on move in day" decision
The ONE weekend I don't put anything up my nose, and it decides to bleed like crazy
I feel as if the hash cupcakes on top of mushroom chocolates was a little excessive last night
I HAVE A GENTLEMANLY VAGINA.
It was a great idea to buy that cocaine while dressed as an elf. It snowed all night for me.
Who the fuck gets injured on a merry-go-round? HOW IS IT POSSIBLE??
Just heard him in the middle stall. Sounded like someone emptied a toolbox into the toilet.
Woke up with a $100 bill from the Philippines in my bra & an unopened box of sour patch kids next to me. I have some questions.
Whatever douche. I sucked the dick that made you. I. Win.
Can we just take a minute to acknowledge that you're drinking with your gay ex boyfriend's DAD who is a DEACON??
Randomize
