Make note: the first date is too soon to make the "condoms are only for making balloon animals" joke.
If it wasnt for meatballs I would have fucking killed myself already.
at least after i hook up with someone i have the decency to ignore them
You don't even know the meaning of faking an orgasm until you sleep with an uncircumcised ginger.
She was drunk breaking up with me. All of my emails to her were coming back with UNSUBSCRIBE as the subject.
sudden memory flashback: you and i having sex on the bed, erin sitting naked in your desk chair drinking whiskey straight from the bottle while harassing you for your computer password to play some "mood music." high five. go us.
Mandatory 420 Adventure Time.
This is why we're friends.
Your couch is like an animal shelter for stray drunks.
Also, I found your gauge.
I found it under my pillow like a gift from the Sex Fairy.
Lesson: Never rollerskate with a 40 in your hand unless you have a destination.
I just added Tubthumping to the playlist for tonight. This is going to make or break the party.
He's giving me the absolute bare minimum amount of attention. Like whatever motherfucker, I've had like six super likes on tinder today
I was like sure, i'll have a drink or two to end the night early. Next thing i know theres a ton of dudes in my house and like 3 gallons of wine. I cant do anything in moderation.
Well Jon got a DUI sleeping in the back seat so I thought the trunk was safer. BUT WHO CARES WHY JUSE PLEASE COME LET ME OUT!
Upstairs definitely just had sex while I wrote you love poetry. That was a fun experience 🤷🏻♀️
I have a number of responses, ranging in content, tone, and maturity. Choose your destiny...
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