my coke dealer is running a Black Friday special
We just got really drunk and bought toilet paper. Successful Monday.
And to think..we used to do everything sober...
like he said he was barking at you while cumming in your face
I want to take my head off and cuddle with it
Maybe it will forgive me and stop being an asshole
High as shit. I just described caramel syrup on crackers to my mom for 15 minutes...
Im glad the only reason we got out of bed today was to get Halloween candy on sale.
I think I just got propositioned for sex by the lady behind the counter at dunkin donuts
Then, she put flavored warming oil on my dick and was amazed when something she bought FROM SPENCER'S almost burned my dick off.
Just sucked some sandy dick on a boardwalk & now I'm at a family reunion hbu
I met a pornstar at his bachelor party and signed his shirt giving him wedding advice
He sent me a pic stitch collage of all the tit pics I had sexted him this month. It was so sweet!
All I got was pictures of my boss and dicks. So, that was the end of snapchat.
I’m at that point in my trip where I’m kinda hot, kinda cold and I have to remember to breathe.
I showered three hours ago and yet feel the need for another one already. This is my day.
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