why wash my dick in the morning if you're not there to suck it?
if i had a camp nickname it would be Flick Bean
The google font looked peculiar last night, but then up close I realized it was just dry vomit.
Just pooped at the strip club. NOT NORMAL . I may be a little too comfortable here.
My vagina would be awesome. I would be the most popular girl in the village.
Ive decided I'm sending thank you notes to all the bars for graduation.
I woke up to him pissing in their fireplace with fairy wings on.
I made a Wendy's employee say fuck this and quit because I started flipping out due to a baked potato shortage. Of course I had a good night
seis de mayo is my least favoite holiday because i usually spend it in bed sobbing over my poor life decisions from the night before.
she just announce I'm david copper field and tried to shove a napkin down my throat
As a plus, I've lost 5 pounds in two days, so "party all weekend" is officially a valid diet plan.
I enjoy the level of friendship we have achieved until you ask me to determine what may or may not be gentile warts via iphone pic
what color bed sheets say meditative warrior but also welcome to my sex dungeon...
navy blue
The fact that you have an answer to that is why we are friends...
Sitting on my couch watching TV in my underwear drinking a bottle of wine.... and you want to interrupt me to come pick you up. No I will not do it.
Third time this week I've caught co workers dry humping. Quarantine really changes people's priorities.
Randomize
