i feel rough
just turned on the light, there is blood EVERYWHERE.
I hraet yuo
did you say you heart me or hate me?
who is this?
lets put it this way..we'd win on tool academy
God you better not be texting me after just having sex with someone from craigslist
the spit in my mouth is still 99% not mine.
Can I tell him I got herpes from your bong instead of from that guy who claimed to be an olympic diver?
No he exists. Who else tells me no matter how drunk I am to pull out. He's watching over me so my bastard doesn't get created.
Woke up on a mattress on a roof this morning with a pair of briefs next to me. Oh fleet week.
I think his roommates are using word magnets to tell me that they can hear us. His fridge currently says, "Chris ate out naughty girl."
About to go get a free burrito for kissing a bald man in public
It's 2pm, and I just had to pass a guy in the turning lane because he was driving down Main Street in an electric wheelchair pulling a flatbed trailer with 2 of his buddies in it and they were all drunk holding beers.
I just got the two most enjoyable things in life in one... Weed delivered in bubble wrap.
he just sent me a dick pic, it highly resembled a cheese stick
It's 9:07 in the morning and I am so hungover right now I'm about to take the kids I'm babysitting to mf'ing Popeyes bc that's all I want in this world
You left your pants here again. 4th time in a row. How can you walk home without pants?
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