she refused to get out of the dog cage till we sang "be our guest" to her.
I mean what are real friends for if they won't hold down your wedding dress to allow for a keg stand
NO YOU'RE NOT. I don't want to hear that SHIT. Jameson appreciation day part 1 is saturday and YOU WILL BE READY.
I just sniffled when I woke up and got a bump of coke. I have never felt so good hung over.
Drunk. The frashmen love me. Give them. Toilrt paper. And shiots
Your roommate is pacing with a pen in his mouth flapping like a duck. That brownie got me fucked but not enough to understand this. Come back!
He does that
private study room at the lib turned into byob study room. that turned into battle royale and eric impaling his leg on a pen.
Dear Penis Owner...our records show that you are overdue for servicing...please contact our friendly associates to schedule a thoroughly satisfying experience today...operators are standing by...
they have a video of him in his boxers making a snow angel in the hallway is his own vomit and coca cola.
They had to stop us from skinny dipping in the reflection pool of the Mormon temple.
Batteries died. I don't care that you're studying for the bar. Come over. Bring the law books and study after. I'll even make coffee.
Jäger goes great with personal crises and receding morals...
Oh my god I haven't had mozzarella sticks since I banged that Applebee's waiter
were you aware we were supposed to be taking care of her hamster this weekend?
I sent him nudes while he is at work because I am an evil human being.
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