I woke up on my floor...
I woke up with colors of the wind playing on repeat on my laptop...
So when does "going out for one drink" = giving some guy an HJ on the sidewalk?!?
And secondly i just said i'd pay ten dollars to have sex with you
I heard that if you win you get to have sex with me. You guys really need to stop wagering my vagina.
He's a good guy, we stopped by his old church.
And you didn't burst into flames?
Please tell me you saw the asian lady with the medical mask on cutting her lawn with scissors.
My friend and I just coined a new term. OBJ. The obligatory blow job. You totally know what I'm talking about.
Like if he goes down on you first, or you just don't want to bone him yet. OBJ.
I have a date tonight... Like a real date... Not the kind where you just go over to his house and have sex and then never speak again.
Okay good. I don't want another mom thinking I got their daughter pregnant.
He was hiding behind my bedroom door. at noon. Wearing a t shirt. And a condom. Not attractive.
Note for the future: whiskey syrup is AMAZING on 3am pancakes.
Also the McRib is back. Lets get high, dress like cowboys, and eat some McRibs.
Just when I thought I was growing up, I go out and TOTALLY REDEEM MYSELF
She was pretty impressed that I led all thirty of us back to campus in my state of drunk. Evidently so impressed that she now refers to me as "Moses" in bed.
Hey how're your balls?
Don't ever let me helicopter again.
Randomize
