Dude.. I don’t care how hairy she is, you already left me at the bar, and now I have to find another fucking way home... NOW BE A MAN ABOUT IT!
she told me i tasted like america
Do you want the really bad news or the bad news? Or do you want it in chronological order?
Man, just talk to her friend and help me out. Otherwise we go home alone
I'd rather jerk off with a hand full of bumble bees then talk to her
Dude. I realize why I got sick. 8 shots three beers in an hour. Plus I ate an expired lunchable earlier.
She's opening her family birthday cards at the bar. So we can pay our tab. Bitches wrote checks :(
This couch is so comfortable I can tell if it's like a waterbed or I pissed myself
Did I put a bunch of spaghetti on you and then eat it off?!?
That you did
Ya apperently its not "appropriate" to fuck in the school auditorium
WHY IS THERE A FUCKING DILDO IN PLACE OF MY GEAR SHIFTER IN MY CAR?
You know you hit Mardi Grad bottom when you come to in someone's kitchen on the floor and you are eating gumbo out of a Mixing bowl with a ladle......yeah rock fucking bottom
Um, when I went down on you it got stuck there. Still had gum in my mouth. Didn't exactly have use of my hands to assist
If I call him daddy should I get him a father's day card? Serious question
She just kept feeding people pretzels and sayying "You're such a good goldfish."
Do you think he’ll fall in love with me if I tell him I have a nickname for his penis
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