He sat on a barstool and did the robot for 3 hours - I'm pretty sure he enjoyed himself.
When I got to his place, he served wine and cheese and made me sit on the balcony while he read his poetry to me. He cockblocked himself.
I was hidding Easter eggs in CHURCH this morning when one of the older men came up to me and said "I always knew you'd be a bunny just not the Easter kind" ... Our congregation obviously has high hopes for their pastor's daighter
Once again there IS no outside bathroom. Never has been, that is the balcony
You asked my mom "who the fuck drives four hours to sleep in a guys bed and not touch his penis"
does pizza still have the 5 second rule in the bubble bath?
So last night ended up making out with a girl going to jail on sunday...she wrote down her address so I can make conjugal visits...
I have a very hazy flashback of me making out with a guy in a seashell bra??! Can you confirm or deny
The dopest dose you'll ever dose. I felt like an octopus all of thursday
She's cute, but batshit. Like some kind of dominatrix disney princess.
Well, I convinced myself I had a sixth toe and then I ripped it off. So I PRAY you're doing better than me.
He just walked up to me in the kitchen, pulled out his penis and stuck it in my sweatpants pocket.
It was probably cold. Sweatpants pockets are notoriously warm.
do you know how ratchet you have to be to get kicked out of a drag club on Halloween weekend??
I had to ask. I mean when you get a snap chat of a nipple you have to ask who's it is.
Give me a reason to not spend the rest of my evening high watching dogs 101 videos
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