yea..i want to get out of new york for a bit too but for the love of god not to new jersey. that's like getting tired of the stripclub and getting yourself a toothless prostitute.
Hawaiian shirts and no dignity
We are always on the same wavelength...kinda eerie.
theres no point in washing my sheets anymore. its always going to be a fine layer of booze and semen.
Just because we had intercourse doesn't mean we're friends.
he took his pants off right in front of me then just stood there so i went for his boxers and he said he was waiting till marriage
there's no such thing as luck on your birthday, only drunken invincibility, make it happen
The staff doesn't like it when you try and take your wheelchair for a joy ride since I've been waiting for an hour and a half.
I woke up to his gay cousin telling me I had the prettiest boobs. I don't even wanna know.
Yea I saw a friend of yours carrying your limp body somewhere
My Internet history has 23 searches for 24 hour cake. Self respect plummeting.
I'm drinking and making muffins and I believe this is why God put us on earth.
He showed up riding a bike blasting the ghostbusters theme song. His name was Lasercat. Im in love.
I apparently pulled his dick out at the bar and started yelling "DICK PICS IN REAL LIFE!"
I'll give you some leg action but I'm not showing you anything else until your penis admits it loves me
You cannot ask her to resend the picture of her genital tattoo to you just so you can show your room mate. it is time to end your relationship with the Captain.
Randomize
