I'm texring you during a blow job. She thinks I'm looking shit up. Fml. Ftw.
thats the last time i clean cum out of my retainer.
I hope he doesn't find the chex mix when he takes my shirt off.
Tonights theme there is the 7 deadly sins. Greed, envy, sloth, gluttony, sluttiness, fellatio and vodka.
Just climbed to the top of a frozen waterfall! Do you want to do drugs tm night? The two are unrelated.
he broke up with her mid blow job, and somehow convinced her to finish. I want his life
If you hook up with your cousin you will permanently be my favorite person ever.
you were trying to control your nosebleed while having someone hold your four loko while you drank it through a straw. all at the same time. that is commitment.
Just high watching the holiday fireplace channel. My space heater lends authenticity to the fire experience. Come over.
I don't care. I'll text you about my butthole whenever I please. That's what you signed up for in this relationship.
I need a nap, Harry Potter movies, and dick in this exact order after work.
I volunteer to be the person who breaks into the room and runs around naked and has to be escorted out by police.
I wasn't that gone.
Dude, you cried and said how sorry you were when we asked why you had the dip.
Long story short I shit on a sidewalk while walking with multiple people. Then sprinted around the streets of Tallahassee in only gym shorts as I tore my toga off and wore it as a cape.
The fact that you cheered yourself on while you puked saying it was your first college puke, blacked out, and sang taylor swift to the toilet confirms the fact that we are related. I've never been more proud.
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