when you close your eyes do you see, that mystical creature will be me.
who is this?
I'll write directions out on a napkin and slip it to him. Then say P.S. The UTI is gone.... that's not creepy at all right?
I hate the awkward morning-after-I-took-your-virginity conversations.
They left shortly after you claimed the dirty rug as your mattress and began alternating between singing "Dayman" and "Nightman"
In my defense it was my birthday and I really wanted to do it.
THEY ARE MY AGE. THEY ARE YOUR LITTLE SISTER'S AGE THIS IS A DELICATE MATTER. CAPS LOCK
say it with me now .. the "golden" penis. his nickname does not disappoint.
I'm not afraid to fist fight your child if I feel he is standing in between me and some tacos.
I'm glad I get the same reaction from you for cookies and for my naked body
DO IT, or I'll send you pictures of my hickey to remind you of your loneliness
Wait, just ask him if can you can join in. You haven't lived until you've taken part in a threesome with your father...or so I've heard
My girl came home. i was jacking off on the couch and she just starts telling me about her day, as if im not half naked with my hand on my cock.
Slept at my ex's best friends house while my ex was locked out and I walked by him sleeping in his car this am
He asked if I had any questions. Apparently, "how thick is the stick up your ass" was not a correct question.
Why do pants feel so unnatural once you enter your own house
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