Just whacked off in the middle of writing a paper, gave me great ideas. Note, should do this more often.
I tried really hard to get you laid last night. And by that I mean I asked a bunch of dudes if they were top or bottom.
I've reached the point to where my pre-gaming needs to be limited to pre-inning-ing
He smashed a plastic chair leg on a tree stump, threw himself into the side of our metal enclosure, stomped on the wreckage for a bit and then punched the fire.
I feel like ass. I'm missing 12 hours of my life and all I have to show for it is an empty wendys bag. Those Shrooms were too much... When do we do it again?
I saw a crackhead in a ballerina outfit riding a bike while waving her hands and one leg in the air. Never seen such talent in my life
At one point, he came in to give her a pep talk, and then after he left, she just kept whispering his name into the toilet between heaves.
If you get home and there is an older woman there, its my mom. She wants to come and see the place after work. Just an FYI. Not the older sluts I bang.
I just remembered that i did pull ups in a bikini on the porch of Red Lobster last night. someone needs to stage an intervention
All I know is I drank too much, danced too little.. yet somehow woke up on the floor in the arms of some cowboy.
tom claimed she had a star tattooed around her buttonhole. i am not prepared for this era of skankyness
I don't know which I need first...a shower or a confessional.
so an orgy is about to happen in the next room if you wondered where i am currently at in life
Are you sure you found YOUR underwear?
I wanna print it out and hang it on the fridge like parents do with good report cards.
oh the joys of a picture of a negative pregnancy test
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