She's hot, in a Megan Fox with Down's Syndrome kinda way. Like, she'd win Miss Deliverance Pageant
At least she's the hottest one. Oh well, it's all about stats
Reason #3 women are better than men: texting and peeing simultaneously. Write THAT in the fucking snow.
The doctor wrote 'condom retrieval' on my discharge paper.
There are 3 guys sitting in the elevator in lawn chairs wearing sunglasses and holding beers. the hallway rugs are stuffed in a trash can. i've never been so glad to be sober.
I had something called a trashcan. Never again. I almost fucked chewbacca.
Just threw up in the waiting room. I can't believe I have to switch dermatologists again.
Turns out lunch break sex with someone you cant stand being around for any amount of time just makes you wish you had gone to get tacos like you originally planed.
I swear the crows are laughing at me.
You my friend are stoned into submission
I'm done being subtle here. MOVE INTO MY EXTRA BEDROOM SO WE CAN FUCK WHENEVER AND NOT HAVE TO WORRY ABOUT FINDING PEOPLE TO HAVE CASUAL SEX WITH.
you live like 200 miles from me and I have two years of school left
goddamnit stop pointing out all the flaws in my plan
I think it's gonna be hard to find a guy that won't take my consistent drinking as alcoholism
I didn't think it was possible but he dislocated his thumb during intercourse last night then cried
A 5 day bender that ended with refusing to pay my bar tab before I left the city. I offered to send them a selfie so they knew to never let me back in.
I slid a quarter down a drunk man's butt crack last night. Qdoba gets rowdy
I'm high on the exercise bike at the gym. I feel like Lance Armstrong
Girl in front of me just swan dove into the middle of the carpeted hallway, stood up, clapped for herself, and then continued walking. My life is complete.
Randomize
