READY
for what?
TO HAVE SEXXXX
i think you have the wrong number
i hope kanye doesn't show up to patrick swayze's funeral. " i'll let you get back to your funeral in a minute...but michael jackson had the best death of the year. just sayinnn ".
my sister and i are watching a movie and pregaming together. and by pregaming i mean shes not drinking since she 14 and im drinking alone.
CORAL IS FAR MORE RED THAN HER LIPS RED
Oh god you're Sonnet 130 drunk, aren't you.
They were taking shots out of the caps of perfume bottles. This is too much for me.
Do you think making a dress out of an "Open" flag that my friend stole from a bar, and wearing it out sends the wrong message? ....Or exactly the right message?
I LOVE YOU SO MUCH I'M ON A WILD DICK CHASE FOR YOU. How many lesbians do YOU know that would do that? HOW MANY????
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO GET MY FUCKING CUPCAKES WHEN THE GROUNDSWORKER I HOOKED UP WITH IS LOITERING IN THE VENDING AREA
I am disappointed by everyone's lack of ability to dance on a stripper pole:(
I took a yellow and pink pill, all of a sudden my sex drive is back, and for some reason all I wanna do is fuck Amish dudes
Good God, I miss doing unknown drugs with you.
I'm about to take my 7th shot and I have to to go to dinner with my grandma in an half hour. What is my life.
I woke up like how did I get here this blanket is nice but it was just the curtain
Yeah. I woke up in an awkward three way spoon with him and his sister. Tequila!
He uses Bing as his search engine...but he's great in bed. So obviously I'm torn.
Putting plan B on my parents credit card wasn't the smartest idea
Randomize
