I just sneezed everywhere.....everywhere. Now no one will talk to me.
pretty sure i remember announcing that i lost my virginity to that brad paisley song when it came on during power hour?
well after he sqeezed a zit off his forearm i got the hell outta there
can we meet up so i can piece together the end of my night? for instance, did i jump or fall into a plant?
I'm seriously gonna die surrounded by a million cats and an unbroken hymen
In case you come back to the room and i'm not here, yes there's a cup filled with gravy in the microwave. Just take it out if you need to heat something.
Also, the wait staff kept prematurely clearing my Manhattans. Not sure if it was an oversight or a hint.
Last night I was just holding this kitten up to my face for like ten minutes telling it that it couldn't be real
i am laugh crying so hard the guy next door stopped playing guitar
nothing says "fuck you jocks from high school my life is better than yours" like bringing 5 grand in 20s to the bar
Why is there a traffic cone in the shower? And did you wash it with my body wash? It smells nice.
It would be weird sobbing cry sex.
you left your anal beads in the dishwasher
So the girl I met at the bar last night came home with me. Played with my puppy. And left.
I think I achieved my goal of being high for 24 hours in the same week I promised myself I wouldn't smoke anymore
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