he was going down on me when he saw the warts...nevertheless he told me he had to pick his sister up from school. why does this keep happening to me???
I wish my grandma would stop using the phrase "he pulled out" when she's talking about her contractor quitting his job.
I am now the proud owner of a 10-12 year old's Optimus Prime costume from Walmart. Tomorrow is going to be a good day.
Maybe she got knocked up by accident. I still refuse to believe that anyone actually INTENTIONALLY gets pregnant.
He wanted a handjob during a John Wayne movie. I just couldn't find it in my heart to disrespect that man. John Wayne that is.
found her sleeping in the closet. woke her up and she said she was camping.
Do you know how disconcerting it is to hear the sound a dog makes while it drinks water and find out that it's someone eating you out?
Just purchased ketchup, body wash, and lube. Hope you're ready for the post-memorial-day-cookout-shower-anal.
Remind me not to get naked underneath a tree I'm allergic to again.
Either I'm too drunk or she gave me a hand job to the rhythm of jingle bells.
Tried to make hash outta one of those keurig machines. I don't know why. Maybe the drunkenness, but now I have mushy bud and no ganja
Just try not to burn your pubes off with sparklers this year.
No promises
I am sorry. I am also on acid.
I HAVE DISCOVERED LONDON AND IT FILLS ME WITH JOY
I'm going to make you a sign to put on your penis to ward others off
Randomize
