the guy i hooked up with is asleep on our couch. please dont fuck him.
I'm like a warm blanket that has sex with you
after last nights cooking expirments i have lost all faith in the fire alarm battery
does it count as cheating if I'm bettering him for his girlfriend?
I woke up with like grass burns all over my body, i'm pretty sure i made out with someone under a bus. . . but i'm not sure
Also, hurry up because I don't like drinking alone. I'm still doing it, but I don't like it.
It's an "im going to have to shit with the lights off" type of morning
For the sake of my mom, I can't sleep with two guys with the same name. She has a hard enough time keeping up as it is
We are planning a drunk snapchat treasure hunt for tomorrow, and the treasure is his penis, this is a game I'm not willing to loose.
Maybe if I get to know him I'll stop wanting to fuck his wife so much.
OMG I WAS JUST THINKING ABOUT HOW OUR FRIENDSHIP IS SO REAL BECAUSE I SHOW YOU DICK PICS AND WE LAUGH TOGETHER.
He wants to make me arch my back "like I'm having an exorcism". Not sure if I'm turned on or freaked out.
she started chasing me through the forest like a horny serial killer
Well just give me the address, I'll bring the bourbon. If they let that into mental institutions
My dad called me in the middle of the night, drunk on vodka, asking for references on the Irish alphabet.
Randomize
