I realized courtney is my jiminy cricket but instead of preventing me from telling lies she prevents me from fucking strangers
he stopped mid-fuck to ask me how my day was....
i just had to wipe vomit off my fone to text you. yeah that hungover.
Just filled up my pledge keg goblet with coffee at bp. They can judge all they want. At least I'm not killing baby dolphins.
she made me put on a condom before giving me a handjob...this is why i hate freshmen
Slept on the counter again. Mom covered me in an apron.
WHAT IF you could get pizza delivered to you IN YOUR CAR while driving somewhere. Like moving roadside service.
You're High aren't you?
Sooooo high
And if I hated you I'd probably say things like, "I never want to speak to you again," or, "Eat a bag of dicks." That's how you'd know.
He actually has his life put together though, during the date we walked by a shoppers drugmart where my friend and I once flashed a janitor and all I could wonder was how does he not see shit show written all over me?
do you know how hard it is to bring up the "what do I do if you conk out while we're fucking" conversation while maintaining the dignity of.the narcaleptic girl you just met?
Try explaining "the nature of your relationship" to a cop when your fuck buddy vandalized your car. Priceless.
I'm in my bed. Snow angles in fresh sheets. don't even try to get me out tonight.
Last night you told me you "were too high" and didn't deserve a hashbrown.
Someone drank my pedialite!
YOU drank your pedialite. I watched you chase shots with it!
Are you really trying to argue your case that you seduced my cat?
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