But regardless, you really stood out last night, you should give me a chance
Sorry but you seem like a potential womanizer
i kinda do this "flirt with girls and pretend to be a hot white guy named chris" thing
So I got my period. Finally. In related news, I reinstated my belief in God.
Just saw a group of asian tourists in safari outifts bow in thanks to the starbucks guys. And no Im not high.
even your uterus rejects him.
apparently my uterus is the smartest part of my body.
I miss old school porno. There just isn't any love in porn these days.
Hey wes just called me saying he was asleep outside by the pond at my apt complex
do you have any idea how hard it is to keep a boner while another dude is writing on your dick in sharpie?
its the kind of night you break several limbs and say you were lucky
Yeah everyone's alive and well besides the still terrifying threat of Ted's conception of a human being
i cant believe im seriously wearing his ex girlfriends underwear right now
I have a terrible feeling that I made out with a fraternity last night
We were gonna go out drinking tonight but she found out she's pregnant so are you free
First dip in a brand new jar of Nutella, and my man’s dick are two things I will not fucking share.
last night you made out with a 19 year old on a bar and i woke up with a swede in my bed. lets just say that never happened.
Randomize
