I want to touch your soul through your body...with my penis...
Mike i'm at church right now...
I hope he's okay, but I also hope he shows up with an eyepatch
Just interrupted a freshman tour to ask where the sexual health center is. Figured I'd just give us all what we were really looking for.
I had some like war flashbacks of giving someone a handjob and i was trying to figure out who it was.
Heaven was on the 3rd floor and Hell was on the first. When the cop walked up he was confused as to who the noise complaint was for and wrote both apartments a noise violation.
Ugh I just wanna make an announcement like: Attention high school classmates: if we haven't spoken in 5 years, we don't need to start now. Please be on your way
We were fucking at break-dick speeds.
They actually said and I quote "it definitely looks like your knees went through some over usage"
You asked me if you had to go downstairs to get upstairs. And then you forgot where you were.
She really is something else.
Words cannot describe what though. The best way to describe her is to say it like watching a bear and a whale have sex. You don't know why it's happening or how. But it's rather funny and you can't look away.
he kept opening the car door while we were ON THE HIGHWAY and insisting he could walk. next time i drive my boss home at 3am i'm putting the child lock on
I'm not kidding, he literally jumped in the red panda exhibit. I knew this was gonna be a good birthday.
Rarely does a man I fucked with upgrade from me
Why are we so out going and care free I can't wait for maturity to kick in so we stop having 700 dollar bar tabs
What do you mean relationship? He paid for my tires and I gave him a blow job.
Randomize
