Fun fact: tonight on intervention was the guy who did my tattoo
what if his mom answers? its like high school, but hes 30
I don't care. I'll be that guy that eats cake in a car. Alone. With the doors locked.
He's got serious oatmeal ass...take a moment and admire how google voice to text was able to detect oatmeal ass....twice
I love you. I'm too high for this. Find a way. Make it happen. Live strong.
We told you to stay put for 2 minutes. We come back out and your being handcuffed yelling "DO YOU FEEL LIKE A GOOD FUCKING PERSON ARRESTING ME ON MY BIRTHDAY?!"
She woke me up with an urgent call telling me she was rolling on Mollie and swimming in the ocean. I mean that's just great. If she drowns, I'll feel responsible.
So then you challenged the bartender to an arm wrestling contest for a free bottle of vodka
Sweet. Did I win?
Youre hungover arent you?
You should have hard cock pics on hand to send in the situation that you can't stop driving, pull out your cock, browse the countless pics I've sent you of my tits, get him hard and text a pic through. I mean, it's simple sexting ettiquette.
I would fuck him In a heartbeat, an obese child running up stairs with an irregular heartbeat, heartbeat.
Dude you filled up a protein shake mixer with White Russians so you didn't have to keep coming upstairs.
My gay card got upgraded to platinum status today.
I just felt emotion and I'm not okay with it
Ahha guy saw me buying beer, went "hmmmmm" and nodded his head approvingly. No words exchanged, but he has made his way to my heart haha
Is it acceptable to respond to a declaration of love with 'and I love your dick'? Asking for a friend who shares a name and possibly a phone number with me. Entirely coincidental.
Randomize
