everytime i listen to a chris brown song and like it i feel like i bad person
question: masturbation: how much is too much? I think i'm about to tip toe a fine line
Pooping in your heated bathroom to the sound of rain and instrumental guitar might be the greatest experience ever.
If my body was a temple, I pissed all over the front stairs last night..
you kept lifting my skirt up, yelling "PANTY PARTY". needless to say, you're at the top of my father's shit list right now.
Two words Indian burn...
What did she think it was, a shake weight?
Update: still drunk enough to get lost in Zellers and to think my reflection was my mother. Awesome day.
I let a guy with dreads drive my car, then demanded he take me back cause I don't let strangers drive my car, while repeatedly apologizing for being a cock block.
Dude, those shrooms u gave me made me remember writing the bible. Fuckn awesome
My drug dealer just made me weigh out my own weed because he was in the middle of taking his law enforcement final
Hit on in the middle of a Wal-Mart McDonald's by a really awkward nerd. There is not enough nope in the world.
HEY. NO. THIS IS ABOUT YOU RIGHT NOW. YOUR COCK, MY MOUTH, THATS IT.
I think I need to start sobriety testing my Tinder dates.
Me: I shouldn't go to the airport bar it's too expensive and I don't need it. Dark me: SHOTS AT 7 AM
I duct taped a bottle of vodka to the back of your closet while you were sleeping in case of emergencies. Go rip it off, it's going to be a long night.
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