i had a dream last night that you and i organized a foursome. swear to god
ps i'll be in miami in early july. this text has no relation to the last one
Remember, sex is not sex til both people cross the finish line. Until then, it is just a favor.
he wanted to have me eat skittles off of his body. he mad gay sex even gayer.
so this guy comes in from the patio covered in puke and says "we gotta go"...Yup u need to go is an understatement
I thought his dick was headless. then I pulled back the foreskin.
At the bar dressed as a taco. not a typo. Come down.
I just had to tell her that no she really doesnt need to sneak pizza from mcmurrays out in a plastic bag for me later
you are not perverted enough for this relationship to work out.
The president of the frat said he was honored to award me "Best Overall Blow Jobs", free admission to all their future parties, and a $20 gift certificate to Denny's. I'm not sure if I feel proud or if that's just the burrito coming back up...
Also, what are the symptoms of syphilis?
My first drink last night was a 2-liter of jameson and coke. So hung over it hurt to put my pants back on
I was trying to climb into what I thought was a bunk bed.. Turns out it was just a cabinet under the sink in a bathroom
Dear lord though. So much glitter. It's just a big gay explosion and all of my whore muscles hurt.
Would giving a bouquet of flowers to my mother be a good way to say, "sorry you walked in on my boyfriend eating me out"?
I don't WANT a sex disease! Especially one assigned to me by my supervisor..
Sorry didnt text you yesterday. had to put restraining order on my ex.
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